My psychotherapy practice, located in the Glenbrook section of Stamford, CT, is literally at the border of Darien, CT.  Children, adolescents, and adults come from Darien come to me for help with anxiety, depression, marital issues, anger management, work and home stresses, and self esteem.

I provide individual, couples, family and group therapy in a very safe, warm and supportive environment.  Children, adolescents, and adults are treated with utmost respect, unconditional positive regard, and free of judgment.

Play therapy with children can consist of playing the board game Sorry, the card game Uno or even arts and crafts like making a puppet. Teens and adolescents get a chance to share their lives, interests and even music that is currently on their iPod. This enables me to foster an alliance and a trusting relationship.

Stamford, located in lower Fairfield County Connecticut is also centrally located to Greenwich, New Canaan, Darien, Norwalk, Westport and Fairfield.

My practice in Stamford is a short 10 minute drive from New Canaan, with easy access from the Merritt Parkway.  Adults come to me seeking help with self esteem issues, depression, anxiety and fears, marital and relationship problems, anger management, and alcohol and substance abuse issues.  In addition to individual therapy, I treat adults in a group format to share concerns common to most people.

I specialize in treating adolescents and young adults who are adjusting to the many changes in their lives including entering and graduating from high school and college.  The transition to high school, then to college, and ultimately to the “real world” can impact the young person’s self esteem, mood, and relationships with his/her parents, siblings, and friends.

Stamford, located in lower Fairfield County Connecticut is also centrally located to Greenwich, New Canaan, Norwalk, Westport and Fairfield. My office is also convenient to Rye, Rye Brook, White Plains, Scarsdale, Harrison and New Rochelle in Westchester County, NY.

My psychotherapy practice is centrally located to Greenwich, CT.  Greenwich is a 5 to 10 minute drive from my Stamford office.  Clients come from Greenwich seeking help for depression, anxiety, anger management, family conflict, relationship issues, and improving coping skills.  I specialize in therapy for children and adolescents, offering individual and group therapy to address ADHD, social skills, impact of divorce, peer relationships, academic achievement, and behavioral issues.  I guide and coach parents to improve parenting and coping skills in managing their child’s developmental issues.

My facilitated groups for adults help men and women manage everyday stresses, address longstanding self esteem issues, and cope with loss and grief.

Groups for children and teens include a social skills group for boys, a teen anger management group, a children of divorce group, and a group for middle school boys.

Stamford, located in lower Fairfield County Connecticut is also centrally located to Greenwich, New Canaan, Norwalk, Westport and Fairfield. My office is also convenient to Rye, Rye Brook, White Plains, Scarsdale, Harrison and New Rochelle in Westchester County, NY.

Aaron’s parents attended their parent guidance session as planned to discuss Aaron’s improved academic performance this school year and about Aaron going to sleep away camp for the first time. In our most recent individual session, Aaron and I discussed these issues, particularly his concerns and thoughts, and feelings of excitement and fear about camp. As the parents sat down, I could intuit that there were other pressing matters at hand. Aaron’s father bluntly said that he had decided to get a divorce from his wife and intended to move out to his own apartment immediately. Both parents expressed concerns about what, how, and when to tell Aaron, 11 years old, and his 9 year old twin sisters, Katey and Ruthey.

With roughly 50 percent of all marriages ending in divorce in the United States, divorce can be scary and sad for all involved, but it can have a particular and lasting effect on children. Therefore, it is important to approach the subject delicately. The way this information is presented can set the tone for a child’s response. If possible, both parents should tell each of their children about the divorce at the same time. Although individual responses may vary, parents need to know that children will be anxious and worried about what this situation means. They need to think about several questions.

What do children need to know?

• They did not cause the divorce.
• Neither parent is rejecting them.
• They still have a family even though their parents will no longer be married.
• Their parents will love them forever, even though their feelings for each other have changed.
• Their parents will continue to take care of them.
• There is a reason for the divorce. Parents should agree on an explanation in advance, remembering that too many details may confuse children.
• Some things will stay the same and others will change. Common questions children might ask are who will they live with, when will they see the other parent and family members such as grandparents, and where will they go to school.

What don’t children need to know?

• Unless the other parent is a genuine threat, children should not know anything that might negatively affect that relationship. Parents need to be truthful with their children, but should avoid discussing issues such as money or extramarital affairs with them.

What do children worry about?

• Children worry about the parent who is leaving: Where will Dad live? How will Mom manage? Will Dad be safe? Will Mom be comfortable and happy?
• Children worry that they will be forced to take sides by their parents, grandparents, or other family members.
• Children worry that they will have to choose one parent over the other.
• Children worry about how family occasions such as birthdays and holidays will be celebrated.
• Children worry about disrupted routines. Who will take care of them when they’re sick? Who will take them to soccer practice or piano lessons? Who will sign their report cards?

Parents should ask their children what they are worried about, recognizing that children might not be able to identify their concerns and feelings right away.

What parents can do to reassure their children?

• Once parents have identified their children’s concerns, they should try to respond honestly to them. Important decisions such as living arrangements should be shared as soon as they are made.
• Children need to know their parents will consider their feelings when making important decisions.
• Because divorce is upsetting to everyone, they need to assure their children that things will work out and life will improve.

While Aaron is away at camp for the next four weeks, his parents and I plan to meet weekly to talk about how and what to tell Aaron and his sisters. We agreed that the parents will not tell Aaron before he leaves for camp, but wait until he returns. And, they will not tell their daughters anything until all their children are together. I plan to meet individually with Aaron when he gets back to talk about his likely myriad and conflicted feelings of anger, sadness, relief, and guilt about the divorce. Additionally, I will recommend to Aaron and his parents for Aaron to join my children of divorce support group forming in September.

As the school year winds down, parents and kids are beginning to shift their focus to preparing for going to sleep away camp: dragging the camp trunk out of the attic, sewing names onto tee shirts and shorts, and buying new swimsuits and fresh sun block bottles.  The excitement of summer camp, however, is often mixed with the anxiety of going off to camp — perhaps for the first time. Even kids who are not particularly anxious often get a little nervous as this summer event approaches.  The apprehension can manifest itself in dreams and nightmares and general irritability. Parents should expect some separation anxiety when their kids leave home, whether they are heading to camp for a week or the entire summer. But there are simple things parents can do to alleviate childrens’ anxiety.

Ideas to help your child prepare for and adjust to camp are:

• Talk to your child about all aspects of what to expect while they are at camp, acknowledging any feelings of sadness, fear, and worry.  Help your child reassess his anxious thinking.  Anxious children often have extreme thinking — worrying about the worst thing that could happen.  Ask your child what his biggest fear is, and talk him through it.
• Be a model of confidence, yet show empathy.  Make it clear you understand that being away from home can be scary, but show that you are confident your child will be okay.  Kids pick up anxiety, so if you’re anxious, they probably will be too.
• Begin a countdown and checklist of things to do to get ready for camp.
• Discuss the camp’s policies regarding communication between camper and parents, so it is not a surprise.
• Visit the camp to become familiar with the cabin and the location of the activities.
• Focus on all of the good things about camp.Talk about all the exciting things your child will do and learn over the summer. Remember, camp is about learning new things and meeting new people, all of which builds a child’s self-confidence.
• Let your child know what you will be doing while they are away, but don’t make your plans sound too interesting.
• Make a plan to send letters and care packages.
• Give your child something from home to bring with her.  Whether it’s a love note, a picture of the family dog or her bedroom, a reminder of home will comfort some children.  Be mindful, however, that this may have the opposite effect on some children, and make them pine for home all the more.
• On the day of departure, keep the goodbyes short. Lingering will just delay the agony and confuse your child.

Despite your best efforts, chances are your child may experience some homesickness.  A study of 329 boys between the ages of 8 and 16 at sleep away camp found that 83 percent of the boys reported feeling homesick at least once and 7 percent reported feeling severely homesick.

If your child does experience homesickness while at camp, consider these recommendations:

• Acknowledge your child’s homesickness, but reaffirm to your child that they can work through it and will have a great time.
• Keep writing letters and postcards to your child.
• Know that your child will write letters, when homesick, that will exaggerate the experience and make you feel guilty.  Remember that letters take several days to reach you, often allowing time for the feelings of homesickness to subside. So, avoid the temptation to jump in the car and pick your child up.
• Know that when dealing with homesickness there are stages.  In the beginning your child needs support and then they need firmness. The words, “you’re staying at camp” are what your child is waiting to hear and is a vote of confidence that you know that your child can succeed.

When choosing a camp, it is important for parents to know that they can rely on the counselors and directors to take good care of their child.  Ask your camp about how they handle homesickness and the amount of communication they will have with you.  Expect open communication with the camp staff regularly on and through the homesickness passing.  If you work as a team your child will greatly benefit from the entire camp experience and have a sense of accomplishment.

Sam, 10 years old, was suddenly refusing to go to school, refusing to eat dinner with his family, and fighting constantly with his sister, 8 year old Abigail. Up until to now, Sam loved being at school, looked forward to his upcoming elementary school graduation, and sat at dinner, excitedly relating the highlights of his school day. Sam and Abigail had the typical sibling quabbles, but nothing to this extent.

Susan and Alex, Sam’s parents were at their wit’s end, not knowing what to do, how to help their usually bright and easygoing son. Susan asked her own therapist for a recommendation to a child and adolescent therapist. It is at this point that Sam came to me for ongoing therapy.

Sometimes kids, like adults, can benefit from therapy. Therapy can help kids develop problem-solving skills and also teach them the value of seeking help. Child therapists can help children and families cope with stress and a variety of emotional and behavioral issues.

As in the case of Sam, it is not clear what’s caused a child to suddenly seem withdrawn, irritable, sulky, or worried. But if you feel your child might have an emotional or behavioral problem or needs help coping with a difficult life event, trust your instincts.

During the course of treatment, Sam and I played many games of Uno and chess, with Sam slowly opening up about his feelings of sadness and fear. He talked about his mixed feelings regarding leaving the “cozy nest” of elementary school and transitioning to the “scary and big” local middle school. He knew that most of his friends would be going to the same middle school, but worried that he would not know many of the other kids coming from other elementary schools. Additionally, he was worried that his sister Abigail would feel abandoned and lonely without Sam at the same school.

Signs that a child may benefit from seeing a therapist include:

• behavioral problems (such as excessive anger and acting out)
• a significant drop in grades, particularly if your child normally maintains high grades
• episodes of sadness, tearfulness, or depression
• social withdrawal or isolation
• being the victim of bullying or bullying other children
• decreased interest in previously enjoyed activities
• overly aggressive behavior, such as biting, kicking, or hitting
• sudden changes in appetite, eating much less or much more than usual
• insomnia or increased sleepiness
• excessive school absenteeism or tardiness
• mood swings, e.g. happy one minute, upset the next
• development of or an increase in physical complaints, such as headache, stomachache, or not feeling well, despite a normal physical exam by your child’s pediatrician
• problems in transition, following separation, divorce, relocation, or new school

While your child copes with emotional issues, be there to listen and care, and offer support without judgment. Patience is critical, too, as many young children are unable to verbalize their fears and emotions.

Other ways to communicate openly and problem solve include:

• Talk openly and as frequently with your child as you can
• Show love and affection to your child, especially during troubled times
• Set a good example by taking care of your own physical and emotional needs
• Enlist the support of immediate family members, your child’s doctor, and teachers
• Improve communication at home by having family meetings that end with a fun activity, e.g. playing a game, making ice cream sundaes
• No matter how hard it is, set limits on inappropriate or problematic behaviors. Ask the therapist for some strategies to encourage your child’s cooperation
• Communicate frequently with your child’s therapist
• Be open to all types of feedback from your child and from the therapist
• Respect the relationship between your child and the therapist. If you feel threatened by it, discuss this with the therapist (it’s nothing to be embarassed about)
• Enjoy favorite activities or hobbies with your child

By recognizing problems and seeking help early on, you can help your child — and your entire family — move through the tough times toward happier, healthier times ahead.

Sam and I continue to work together individually, meeting once a week. I have had sessions with just his parents, with Sam and Abigail, and the entire family. Sam is feeling better now, is going to school everyday and having fewer arguments with Abigail. Sam is looking forward to going to sleep-away camp this summer, and starting middle school in September. Sam and I agree that he will join my middle school boys group when school starts. His parents are happy and relieved that Sam is once again his happy and easygoing self.

How do you handle a situation in which you say something hurtful or inappropriate to your spouse or child? When you are off-base in how you react to your child even if provoked? When you receive an insincere apology from a family member?

We all at one time or another behave inappropriately or in a hurtful manner toward our children or spouse. We may also be on the receiving end. Generally these actions are not intentionally meant to harm the other person. There may be temporary lacks of judgment that are not truly representative of how we, or the other person, feel. Communication between family members can then become emotionally charged. Relationships that hold many negatively charged feelings, with no repair, can become toxic and distant. The good news is that this is part of growing and learning. When we feel regret for our misdeeds, we can take what was once wrong and make it right again.

This subject of apology came to mind recently when I was speaking with a mother who told me how her daughter revealed how she had been hurt by her. The mom lied to her daughter saying she didn’t remember the situation where she had been judgmental and dismissive of her daughter’s school performance. The mother felt stuck. She had remembered what happened and had to grapple with how to apologize for her critical tone without hurting her daughter further. It was also important that mom own up to the lie she told her daughter, which was made out of a wish to protect them both. I appreciated this mother’s struggle in several respects. Her daughter’s hurt and resentment had increased an emotional distance that already existed  between them. It was similar to this mother’s cool relationship with her own mother. A part of mom wanted to change this generational pattern of distance; another part of her wanted to let things be. A third part felt genuine guilt for hurting her daughter years ago and wondered what other hurts might be festering.

Family members who apologize to each other create a foundation of trust, safety, and being able to clean up wrongdoings. This is necessary for marital partners, parents and children as well as for siblings. A genuine apology not only has great power to undo harm, it can give awareness as to how to avoid or deal with future conflicts. When spouses are able to take the necessary risk and apologize to each other for misdeeds, the relationship can move on. When children experience apologies first-hand from their parents, they feel better because their feelings matter.

Remind yourself of all the good things you have done as a parent including your well-made and well-meant apology. This may include forgiving yourself.  When apologies are part of your family’s foundation, you are setting a positive and healthy tone with the people you care about most. Indeed sometimes love means having to say you’re sorry.

John is sitting at his office desk. He is participating in a conference call with colleagues at another location. Suddenly, he starts to feel dizzy and nauseous. His head begins to ache and his heart beats rapidly. John believes he is having a heart attack. He excuses himself from the phone call. Putting his head on his desk, he sees a bomb exploding and body parts scattered around him. John thinks he is going crazy and looks at the calendar and sees the number 15. Then, John realizes that it is one year since his last mission in Iraq: December 15, 2010.

John is one of an estimated 5.2 million American adults who have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, or PTSD. PTSD is an anxiety disorder that can develop after exposure to a terrifying event or ordeal in which grave physical harm occurred or was threatened. Traumatic events that may trigger PTSD include violent personal assaults, natural or human-caused disasters, accidents, or military combat.

John was stationed in a small town in Southern Iraq in 2010 and was responsible for clearing the road of mines for his platoon to enter the town. Going into the town was not a problem. John was relieved that he and his friends were safe and ready to return to the base. As the caravan exited the town and returned to the dusty road, John felt the entire road go up and then down. Looking behind him, John saw the last two tanks engulfed in flames. John felt his feet running as fast as they could go. What John saw next would be forever etched in his mind.

Many people with PTSD repeatedly re-experience the ordeal in the form of flashback episodes, memories, nightmares, or frightening thoughts. Anniversaries of the event can also trigger symptoms. People with PTSD also experience emotional numbness and sleep disturbances, depression, anxiety, and irritability or outbursts of anger. Feelings of intense guilt are also common. Most people with PTSD try to avoid any reminders or thoughts of the ordeal. PTSD is diagnosed when symptoms last more than one month. Physical symptoms such as headaches, gastrointestinal distress, dizziness, and chest pain are common in people with PTSD.

Looking into what remained of the tank, John saw the driver, his friend Mike, blackened and nearly unrecognizable. But, where was his best friend Petey? Slowly peering past Mike, John saw a body with arms tangled and missing a head. John again felt himself running back to the road, looking for Petey’s head. He saw a growing crowd surrounding his caravan. John knew he had to act quickly to retrieve what remained of his friend, who he knew since kindergarten. John and Petey met each other on the playground, when John had fallen off the gigantic slide. John remembers that Petey had come to his aide, and stayed with him until their teacher, Mrs. Walsh, could get the nurse to come to the playground. From that day on, John and Petey made a pact to always be there for each other. John contacted his superior who ordered him to stay with his platoon until a backup could be dispensed. With an angry mob throwing rocks and epithets at him and his surviving friends, John waited 12 hours to be relieved of his duty. John remained in Iraq for one more month, and then received a discharge to come back home.

About 30 percent of Vietnam veterans developed PTSD at some point after the war. The disorder also has been detected among veterans of the Persian Gulf War, with some estimates running as high as 8 percent. Statistics for the current Iraq and Afghanistan wars have not been cumulated yet. But, clearly there are many veterans who will suffer from PTSD.

PTSD can be extremely debilitating. Fortunately, research has led to the development of treatments to help people with this disorder. Studies have demonstrated the efficacy of cognitive-behavioral therapy, individual and group psychotherapy. Other research shows that giving people an opportunity to talk about their experiences very soon after a catastrophic event may reduce some of the symptoms of PTSD.

John is currently meeting individually with a psychotherapist once a week and is participating in a support group with other Iraq War veterans. This therapy gives John an opportuntiy to talk about his war experiences and express feelings of anger, sadness, and guilt. He is beginning to feel better and more optimistic about his life. John recently learned that his wife Abby is pregnant and is expected to give birth during the fall. John knows one thing for certain — if they have a baby boy, his name will be Petey.